Thoughts ‘n Feels

HUMOR: Tweedledee and Tweedledumber answer your burning questions about high school.

How can I make my crush like me?

Burn their house down. If they didn’t like you before, they will definitely like you after you set their house ablaze. Bonus points if you tee-pee their house before setting it on fire.

What should I do if I’m failing math?

Math is hard, let’s go shopping.

What can I do if I have an A- instead of an A?

Drop out of school. This is the worst grade you will ever receive and there’s no point in trying to come back from that.

What should I do if I took your advice and dropped out of school?

Become a Soundcloud rapper. This will really show all the people who said you shouldn’t have dropped out of high school. If Lil Xan can do it, you can too.

How do I get my friends’ attention in the hall?

Stop and yell their names as loud as you can. Then, invite them to form a giant group in the middle of hallway while proceeding to tell them your life story. Make sure no one can walk past your group of friends because it’s not like it’s called passing period for a reason.

How do I ask someone out?

Use a pick-up line. Studies show pick-up lines work 99.9% of the time. Here are a few that are sure to get you that first date: you look like trash, may I take you out?; did you just fart? Because you blow me away!; and our personal favorite, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you obviously landed on your face.

Eat your veggies and stay safe. Happy high-schooling!